Faded and dated.....

In the end my biggist fear is to be alone. a fear i know someday i will live down. so many people i now know, so many friends. not many true. so many foes. i know its a fact that as one group growes the other does in turn. but i do think its just a matter of time till i fall to there hands. and in the end who knows who face will be the last i see mabe tristan or dustin couse, cammy, any one that works at kfc ( or did at some point in time). i guess it really doesnt matter, just pondering thoughts of fate. one man shouldnt, but then this is me were talking about. but most of you im happy to be rid of. alast im sad to have lied and jaded some of the people in my life. for littte more than hopes of making myself happy. Ronnie, i i i, i well i left you to hang out with elena, and you and cammy became best friends. my lose. maybe if i had gone down a diff path i would be a diff person, with more love in my heart and not as cold. from the shit elena put me threw... but thats made me so much more as well.. you burned my soul. and some how i got up from the ashes. ronnie watch as i fucked my life up for what i thought was a chance at happiness. and i feel i hert him alot. witch it a look back i feel bad, because hes the only brother i will ever have. exit ronnie enter elena, you were the best and worst thing for me. but i do not regreat any of it. not even as you said stop tristan that nite. he didnt do what he did to help me, but you know what little girl it takes a slut like him to bring out your true form out doenst it. but even with you leaving for cal. and not stoping bye will never kill me love for you sadlly. i just will never let that beast out again. (the room growes cold) now tristan. well Mr. hail you turned my life upside down more than once. and truly i couldnt be me with out you. you opened my eyes up to alot. Good and bad.. thx you. now is it stupid i hate you for somthing o so unworthy as elena. yes. but for what ever reason you touched me so deep that time that hate for you became so deep it became a part of my soul. dont think i wasnt alway thinking. looking. waithing, for a time i did trick myself into thinking you and me were friends. it was the greatist show on earth a cirus for all to see. i did it for the love of music. because co-existing for the sake of that is worth my time. what made me come back to this level. well i see all the lives you afect, burn, destroy. i know how you beat your mom. i know all the evil that exist in your heart. i know about you new job, i know everything about you. but that said i would never hert you how you did me. in turn i look away and walk off into the sunset, my job isnt to wrong your writes. Kris is now free and i think that he has more hate for you than even me. but im not gonna talk for him, im sure when he's ready he will do that on his own. you see i was the main person to help him get out of the jail you put him in, why. because just like me, my greatist downfall. From you became my greatist power. and so with him it has became the same... end of one story the start to a new. Cammy, i know were not even and that im sure at some point in time you will fix that. but all you have done is get mad. witch at the time is what i was trying to do. so its kinda its desired afect. do i wish i haddent done it, no.. but i never did think it would bring out this level out of you. witch it far, it your spot i would destroy me... so i hope when the time comes and i know it will. that you get the affect out of it..my anger for you was born out of my jelously of you and ronnie. witch i made myslef. the start to that. raise above to the story of my first. a name i wont say, and after this time wont talk about anymore. she was perfict to me.. and it my own oversites i was to.. well i was too about everything.. only latly do i see how i pushed you away with my small mindedness. but after it was all done i lied and did everthing i could to (fix it) but i shoud have been happy with even, so once again i fuckered up that. and i hurt innocents in my path. people i clamed were my friends. and they were. i just over look there worth for somthing i thought at the time to be write.... you see you are the only one even now that i hope you do get what your looking for. End... as we move below... dustin. you hate me for you,cammy,sean. are great battle has yet to take place. and i hope it never does. but i know i wont be that lucky some day you will find me.... thats all the part of this story i will give you. as it begins to rain in side my mind. i look at the one person i wish life had gone diff for, sean.. such a lost you sitting in jail it is, and all you have is hate for me. but the truth is the sean i know is alot diff today. the one that sits in jail today, is a shadow of the man i once new. sean would have kick his fucking ass for doing ice. but he changed. and i will never understand how some one like sean let drugs get the best of him. just like me he is fallen but not broken and i will be there if and when he ever makes his mind up to put water under this bride of life.... wow alot to say get off my mind.. some that im sure people didnt know i let bug me... you see when it comes to me, i look in the mirror and see nothing. but i go on for the people who need to see more.. sleep tonite i try to let go of the past. forever done talking, prolly not but all i can do is try...